I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
