I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
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Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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