I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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