No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
