Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
