He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
