He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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