I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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