it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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