Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
