I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
