just tell him i said nine months
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
