dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
