I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize