I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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