Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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