Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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