i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
