if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
