the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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