he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
