my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
