Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
