Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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