You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
