John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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