just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
