even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so much tequila, so little girl.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
