Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
