yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
