Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
