o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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