I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
