Someone shit on the floor
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
