the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize