how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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