I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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