i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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