Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
