im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
