the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
