the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
