need another drink. this is the easiest way
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
