Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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