I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
