Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
