this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
