I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
