So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
