Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
