so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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