Christians are straight up FREAKS
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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