watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
