I hate all girls vehemently.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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