he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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