dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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