i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i now understand why vodka
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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