we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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