I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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