I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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