I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
