Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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