Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
